2010.

This new year doesn't mean a new "me." My flaws will still be my weaknesses, my fears and guilt will still haunt me, and my bad habits will still annoy and affect the people around me. I'm no hypocrite. My only new year's resolution is to be better than you. I own 2010.

From Giovanni's FB.

Hold on, hold on, hold on...

This morning at a Detroit airport, a Nigerian man tried to blow up a plane as it landed. So let me get this straight, I'm not allowed to bring any type of lotion, drink, water, hand sanitizer, etc. on any plane.. But somehow, someone, somewhere allowed some dude to get through the gates with type of explosive? Wow. I'm afraid of America.

"Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned."

Secret #2

" I know it's been a minute since we really kicked it, but I just want you to know. . .

I can't pretend that everything's all good
Nope I can't say that everything's all bad
But I'm gon' say that you be on my mind
How you doin, who you with, where you be at. . . "

When I hear this song, I think of you.
I miss you.

" You're forgotten. "

If you feel the need to update your status on myspace/facebook/twitter etc. and say something along the lines of I've moved on, or I forgot him, or I found someone new, you know damn well you didn't. The only reason you put that there in the first was in hopes that he would see it, realize you've moved on (which you haven't) and come running back to you. Well.... It's not going to happen, and you look stupid :\

If you really have moved on, or forgotten him, or found someone new, why do you feel the need to announce it to the world? Why not just let it be? If you really forgot him, you wouldn't be wasting time announcing that you forgot him. You just want him (or someone else) to believe that you did, even though you really didn't.

Secret #1

I still have your chapstick that you forgot in my car.
The one I forgot to give back.
I think of you every time I use it.

$125.57

That's how much my cellphone bill is..... And it's due.... Yesterday, lmao. I'll pay it today, and get my nails done too :) Worrrrrd.

If you're happy, I'm happy..... Not.

When someone breaks up with their significant other for another person, the one who was dumped always has to say “If he/she is happy, then I’m happy. If that means being happy with another girl/guy, then let it be…” Really? It makes you happy to see your love with somebody else? It brings a smile upon your face to see your ex man/girl hug and kiss somebody else? If you can honestly answer with a yes, then I think something is….. wrong with you.

Seriously.

I think that if your MySpace is all hooked up yet you live in your mom's house and you still take the bus...... Then you needa go find yourself a job. Seriously if you're 27 yrs old sitting there making yourself a div layout every other night thinking you're the shit cause you know html css and all that geek shit..... Don't flatter yourself cause I'm the shit with layouts and CS4 but I'm making moneyyyyy. As in.... away from my computer. If your ass is sitting on your computer chair 10 hours a day and all you doing is clicking 'home' every other 10 minutes.... then you needa go borrow a gun from somebody and jus end ya life seriously :\ Yea yea I give you props..... You managed to get yourself some 100,000 'friends' yet you don't know any of these fools in 'real life' ..... Getting all gassed up when you get a new comment from some guy/girl telling you that you're cute or your page is hot blah blah blah.... Yet your cell is dry as fuck cus niggas who know you forreal forreal know you aint the business. LOL that's real cute...... Not.

Alright, uh huh, okay, yeaaaaah!

12hr shifts x 5times a week = great money.
I'm so not complaining ;)

Christmas is around the corner and my boo is..... Expensive.
He's worth every last penny though♥

I'm saying though... " I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. " WORD x 999 billion!

Agreed.

" Some chicks are very very pretty and at the same time they are very very cool people. Now these chicks have it rough because there is always some stupid mutha f*cka who thinks this beautiful girl is feeling them just because the girl is being nice to them. Dudes do this all the time. B*tch say "hi" to a mutha f*cka and he come back saying "yo, that b*tch is on my d*ck." This is why pretty chicks are mistaken for being stuck up. It's because whenever they are nice, guys get the wrong idea."

-dailypiff

Lonely night.

It's 1:22 in the damn morning and I'm sitting here with the longest look on my face wondering why the hell I'm still awake. I've been tired for the past three hours yet I just can't seem to bring myself to my bed. It's not even that I have a lot on my mind either it's just that I've had the worst sleeping habits these past three weeks. Without my mom here I've been doing whatever the hell I feel like doing which is another reason I need her to come home already. Taking her damn vacation without me smh. I can't lie though I miss her OD.

Now it's 1:28 and I need to take my nocturnal ass to sleep though seeing as how I need to be up in four hours and two minutes.

Holla.

Feels great to know that I have stalkers.

So, you're gonna read up on what I'm up to, and then go run your mouth. Wow, I'm honored that I serve such great importance in your life. Thank you for making me number one.

Life lessons.

One 1. Never take down a fence until you know why it was put up.
Two 2. If you get too far ahead of the army, your soldiers may mistake you for the enemy.
Three 3. Don't complain about the bottom rungs of the ladder, they helped you to get higher.
Four 4. If you want to enjoy the rainbow, be prepared to endure the storm.

- Warren Wiersbe.

Untitled.

When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means. There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

O u c h.

That's the bruise on my chest, the one I got from the accident. It's heart shaped. I think it's like that because when my 'friends' left me, it bruised my heart so bad on the inside that it showed on the outside. Some friends.

It's hard for others to understand the depth of my pain. I'm facing difficulties, and I feel alone as I seek solutions for my problems. Just as I put out one fire, I smell the smoke of another about to burst open in flames. There has been so much, I don't know where to begin...

If you're ever lonely...

Just remember that we live under the same stars and we look up at the same moon.
I know it seems like you're worlds away, but baby I'm thinking about you too.... ♥

...And I shouldn't be.
But fuck it because I can't help it.

Real shit.

You were not my first and you may not be my last or my only. I've never loved before but I may very well love again. But if I love you now, what else matters? I'm not perfect but neither are you - and the two of us may not be perfect together forever. But if I can make you laugh, cause you to think twice about things, and admit to being human and making mistakes, then hold onto me the best you can. I may not be thinking about you every second of every day, but I will give you a part of me that knows you can break my heart. So please don't hurt me, don't try to change me, don't analyze my every move and don't expect more from me than what I can give. Smile when I make you happy, let me know when I make you mad, and most of all - miss me when I'm not there.

Another one of those days.

Today was my day off, and I swear I wore the same clothes all day. I had tons of shit to do today but I just kept putting it off and off and now it's almost 11 so it's too late to do anything. I need to be up early tomorrow anyways. I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. I think I need to go write something.... Or something.

Oh yeah, and shower -_-

Holla.

Love is...

Him: Babe, don't be sad. When you're sad, my heart hurts.

♥

You plus me, it equals better math...

I love him w/ every breath in my lungs, every beat in my heart, and every last drop of blood pumping through my veins. I swear I have the greatest man on the face of the earth. He is the type of guy that women don't believe exist anymore... Everything I have ever wished for a guy to do for me, he does. I'm done taking him for granted, I swear. He is everything to me, everything. I could never wish for better.

If I had a title, it'd go here.

Today, I saw a drunk guy claim that he was George Washington.
I asked him for two forms of ID and he pulled out a dollar and a quarter.
He wins.
- mlia

Oh, the things he says :)

Me: It's 11:11, make a wish!
Him: I don't have to babe, I already have you.

♥

The damn truth.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then hell no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.

Dating is fun, even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

You should know that you're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, HE WILL MISS OUT A GOOD THING.

If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one.

- - -

I found these on http://www.favorite-famous-quotes.com

This kid's funny :)

LOL!

Officer: What is your D.O.B.?
Criminal: What's a D.O.B., man?
Officer: When's your birthday?
Criminal: May 5th
Officer: What year?
Criminal: Every year, man.

Not for nothing...

I promised I'd never lie or cheat, but damn man it's hard. Feelings are feelings, and I definitely got them... For someone else. It's weird because I know who I should be w/ and I know who's a better person and all of that, but when attraction comes around it's hard to fight it off. There's not enough room in my mind or my heart to keep both around, so who the hell do I choose?

New tattoo.

How can I be anything else but myself?

See me, I'm not the type to chase after my man. I'm an ill ass girlfriend, trust and believe. I'm not gonna ask you who you're with, when you're coming home, what you're wearing, where you're at, etc. Because I got trust. I know I got a lot to offer, I'm independent as fuck and I don't need a man, to be honest. But when I got one, I'm grateful and I put him on top of the world.... I will be faithful, and I will be down as fuck. If he wanna play games, waste my time, cheat on me, etc. then that's on him, on his mind, on his conscience.

I'm good.

Are you in love, or were you in love?

I ask myself this question a few times a day. As of a few months back, things between the Mr. and I have not been too great. No fights/arguments or anything of the sort, we've just been reaaaaally distant. Before this came on, I'd want to spend every free moment w/ him... And now I really make no effort to see him. I'm not sure what's going on - maybe I'm falling out of love. Is that possible? I was looking at previous posts, where I would talk about how much I loved him and blah blah blah.... I think I forgot how that used to feel because I don't think I feel it anymore. All the butterflies that came when I would look at him, I don't feel/see that anymore either. I'm wondering if maybe it's time to retire December 18 2007.....

I gotta go to work, holla.

Lies only lead to more lies.

I really wanted things to be cool between us. Ya know, as friends or whatever . . . . But that can only be if we're real with each other.

I met a blind kid today . . .

He is 18 years old and he's been blind since he was born. He was very sweet and polite, and he had a nice smile. I talked to him for a lil' bit, and eventually he came around to tell me that he hears people say the sky is blue, and he knows for a fact the sky is blue - but he wishes just once he could see it for himself. He told me that he wishes he could see flowers and grass - and what his mom looks like.

I felt bad for him, because I cannot imagine what it must be like to see the whole world in black. What it must be to hear the waves and not see the ocean, or hear the rain and not see the drops on the window.

I take too many "simple" things for granted, and my encounter with this kid today was kind of a slap in the face.

How can people be so fake?

First of all, men are stupid. This one nigga acts like he doesn't even know me - and then he decides to do some trippy shit and smile at me and say hi. Get the fuck outta here. Stop playing with my emotions!

And then I'm so sick of fake bitches, how the fuck can you be my friend one minute, and then turn around and talk shit behind my back? Seriously, what is this, high school? You too, get the fuck outta here.

Whatever, I'm off to work. Holla.

8:04

It's 8:04 in the morning, which means I only slept for 4 hours. And that's not normal considering how damn tired I was yesterday. Have you ever had a gut feeling that something was wrong? Well that's what I'm getting at right now.

Untitled.

At no point in time, did I expect to have to pen this rhyme.
So many tears have fallen - it should be classified as a water conservation crime.
He should be on death row for all the heartbeats he's stolen out of my chest.
I'm living vicariously through my pain, and I don’t know how many breaths I have left.
I'm writing ambidextrously, knowing my right hand is the only one that works.
I'm forcing thoughts out of left field, when all I wanna say is,
YOU DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH THIS SHIT HURTS!

She got her own.

I feel like I'm falling behind in class. It's not even me, not really anyways. It's my teacher. She's a nutcase, forreal.

I guess it's not much help that he's in my class. What a distraction. Why can't he just be out of my life already? It's retarded to walk by him everyday and front like we don't even know eachother. Shit, I wish we didn't. Have you ever just wanted to erase a part of your memory? Kinda feels like everywhere I go, I see him. Almost seems like the man upstairs isn't ready for us to be out of eachother's lives yet - but shit, I don't see us ever speaking again.

I love the beach.

I skipped school today, to hit the beach. UGH sue me. But it was so beautiful. Incredibly calming and relaxing. Considering the fact that I have a 67 hour work week ahead of me, the beach was the perfect place to go. There is no more beautiful place to watch the sunset.

I had a great day :)

You'll be missed.

Losing a friend sucks. Losing a friend you will never see again sucks even more. But losing a friend who was murdered hits you the hardest.

Rest In Paradise Ty.

♥

I don't believe in fate .

but I do believe in going out and pursuing your dreams.
" fate " isn't going to come knocking on your door
and bring you your dreams on a silver platter.
you have to go out yourself and chase them.

It's the little things . . .

( text )

me: <3
him: <3 x 100 billion

Aw... CHEEEEESE, bigtime.

Life En Aire

"When you find happiness, don't fuck it up, real talk. Lies only lead to more lies, be straight up with your partner, it makes life easier."

When I woke up this morning, my Blackberry was blinking a red light - which means I have a new text message; so I read it.

2:26am
I hope you're having sweet dreams baby. and I hope that when you wake up, all your stress is gone. I love you, goodnight.

Amazing to say the least.

The past can hurt....

...You can either run from it,
or learn from it .
- The Lion King

How the hell was I supposed to know we'd end up at the same place? I'm not psychic or anything, jeez. I was just walking through the halls minding my own business, and shit--there you were. It was awkward, it always has been, since everything ended and all. But still we managed to exchange smiles, like two old friends.

I remember years and years ago, I was at your house one day, and you were all sad. and I remember asking you what was wrong--and you told me that I was too young to understand, and that someday I would. well . . . . . I understand now. And my only question is this: does it ever go away?

Rain.

Is such a beautiful thing. The sound of it is so incredibly soothing and relaxing . . .
I'm gonna go to sleep now, and enjoy this.

Dead end?

I really don't have the time to ride an emotional roller coaster. Lately things have been more stressful than good. I feel like I'm forcing something that isn't there anymore. I'unno.

I'm just so fed up with the way things are going. It's hard to fight back the tears, knowing this is the end & stuff, it makes me sad - but I'm not gonna cry. I'm better than that. it's hard though. I'm constantly telling myself to breathe, and taking long showers and naps - and going shopping just to have something else to think about.

There are millions of fish in the sea. Wasn't the first, won't be the last. Blah blah blah, I keep telling myself all that good inspirational uplifting crap.

Seriously though, I'm so young. I have SO many things ahead of me. I went into this with a clear head, and I told myself that forever is nonexistent. And it is - no matter how wonderful things may seem, there will eventually be a bump in the road - some bumps will be overcome smoothly, but others won't. I guess the saying goes . . " wasn't meant to be, it just happened. "

I don't regret anything. and if I could go back - I wouldn't erase one bit. Mistakes were made from both sides, and there's really nothing that triggered this. things just happen, I guess. people just change.

Shit man, I'unno.

Here I go again, opening an empty box to see what's inside. What a stupid box. And how STUPID of me for being so stupidly curious. Stupid stupid stupid.

**breathe**

inhale . . .

. . . exhale

Holla.

Photoshop CS4

BEFORE:

AFTER:

( click see bigger )

My dad said......

" Real love doesn't exist anymore. It's 2009 and the new meaning of love is credit cards and the amount of money you have in the bank. "

Ahem, attention please.

You aint even gotta tell me . . I know that you adore me.
But I love you more boo and that's a true story.

Sticks and stones

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me.

Na, I disagree.
Because if anything
I believe oppositely.
Pain and bruises go away eventually
but hurtful words and memories
stay with you for all eternity.
I'd rather be
beat up physically
than have someone who means
a lot to me
hurt me
& possibly
kill me,
emotionally.